I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize