Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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