I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
