you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
