did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
