I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I smell like Dick and happiness
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
