imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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