He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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