I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
