i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
