the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
