No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He shit in the fireplace
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
