I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
