In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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