the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
