If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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