I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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