you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
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The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
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LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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