She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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