new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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