u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
