Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
