I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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