Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Enjoy the penises
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
