yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The adults are the big ones right?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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