I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
