cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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