We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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