basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
