Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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