you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
someone get that fucking seahorse.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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