my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
How's work?
Spinning.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
