please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
