this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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