Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
