the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
