I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
