Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize