I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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