so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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