just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
