Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize