I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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