is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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