I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
