I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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