You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
