You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
whose ass print is on the piano?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
