Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
