apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
