I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
