I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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