I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
