can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
