This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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