I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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