have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So here I am, sexting at work.
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