put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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