he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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