Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
