i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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