oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he fucked my hip out of place.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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