so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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