FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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