Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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