I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
