When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
