Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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