i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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